Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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