There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
