Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
