Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
