All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
