Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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