just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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