i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
