I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
