we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
