meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Can Purell be used as lube?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
