In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
