when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
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And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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