do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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