i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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