you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
