Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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