hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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