I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
