Don't you send me to vm
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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