My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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