Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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