I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if only i could text you this smell
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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