I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
