yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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