I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
