what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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