he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
