I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Randomize
