well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
