Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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