it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
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im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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