Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
