Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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