I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
