I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
me + whiskey = a bad person
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
