My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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