Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
