Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
