Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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