I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
