when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
