SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
