you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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