Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
