she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
