walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
