Define "chronic" masturbator.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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