The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
