He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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