I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
