either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
