I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
