Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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