Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
