allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
