The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
