We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
