oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The struggles of a small town man whore
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
