I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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