they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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