I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
