They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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