I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
