Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
