is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
